I don't know if you have been following the Patricia Olubunmi Ette's saga in Nigeria. Here's the gist: this woman, being the newly-installed Speaker of the House of Representatives, wanted her official residence and that of her Deputy renovated and, to befit her status as the 4yh in line to the Throne, wanted a few nice rides to go with it. So she approved a princely (or queenly) sum of six hundred and twenty eight million naira for the project. That's a little over US$5million. To renovate a less-than-two -years old, never-lived-in, residential house!
Let's put that into perspective: The total lifetime worth of our President, actually inflated by some political and election campaign gifts, is slightly over Mdam Speaker's renovation cost, at 800million naira. The total allocated budgetry sum for the National Poverty Eradication Scheme is 3.35million naira. Rehabilitation of the entire Lagos-Ibadan Expressway (at N2.5m per km) would cost only N300million. The total budgetted 2007 local and international training cost of the entire Nigerian Airforce is N269million naira. Total annual salary of the Nigerian Ministry of Aviation is N97m. A nice, well-finished block of 6 3-bedroom flats will set you back, with good management, just over 25million naira. A massive, luxurious 5 bedroom mansion in Abuja will cost just over 80million naira, including land. For 600million naira, you'll get seven of those, built from ground up, and furnished with enough change left to travel the world year round !
That's the amount Madam Speaker said it cost her to renovate & furnish her residence and buy herself a few nice cars to boot, at the expense of the tax-payers! Whoever calls this corruption is begging the issue. It is nothing short of extreme wickedness and total lack of feelings for millions of pensioners, workers, students and common man whose pensions, salaries, libraries and lives (respectively) would have been made better by a fraction of this stolen common wealth.
I sincere thought we were on our way to conquering stealing in high places with the way the EFCC have been going about dealing with the thieves in public offices. I obviously thought wrong. Sad as it is, and reluctance as I am to say this, this certainly reflects badly on the government of Musa Yar'Adua. Agreed, there is separation of power in a Presidential system of government, but we are talking about massive fraud in government here, the like of which the former Senate Speaker lost his seat and faced prosecution under Obasanjo. Besides, the buck stops on the President's table.
If Yar'Adua allows the PDP to sweep this scandal under the carpet, as they are currently shamelessly trying to do, his government shall forever be tainted, and stand accused of being a lame duck leader who cowers as the thieves around him strip the house to the bone.
LAST LINE:
I must ask for your forgiveness and understanding here. When this site debuted a week ago, I had promised the articles will come on a daily basis. Obviously, those of you checking in everyday have noticed, and written to remind me, that I have not upheld my promise. I found out, rather to my chagrin, that the business of everyday leaves me with not enough time everyday to meet my writing obligations. Now, my respect for journalists who write everyday deepens. If you'll permit me, I'll love to do this at least once a week - every Monday?
Have a wonderful, wonderful week.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
Sunday, September 2, 2007
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Dateline: Sunday 30 September, 2007
ANOTHER LOOK AT THE AGF / EFCC FACE-OFF
It is truly disgusting and heart-breaking to watch the current face-off between the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission and the Attorney General of the Federation. Ordinarily, one would expect the political head of the body saddled with policing the country, putting offenders behind bars and giving justice to the wronged, and that set up to bring white-collar criminals to justice, to have one and the same agenda, support each other’s efforts and rid the country of criminals.
But not in Nigeria of today. When the EFCC was set up by the administration of Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, not a few Nigerians breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that such body, considering the inefficient and corruption-ridden police force, was long overdue. For decades, public officials have stolen Nigeria blind and government after government, rather than stem the tide, actually institutionalized financial crimes in government circles.
One need not be an expert to know that what has kept Nigeria, and in fact the whole of Black Africa, in perpetual stagnation has been the large scale corruption of government officials across the continent. With the resources at the disposal of most African nations, especially Nigeria, there normally should be little or no need for the outrageous amount of foreign debts we pile on ourselves every year. But an insane proportion of these resources have been plundered and most of them sent abroad to foreign bank accounts, and therefore unavailable to finance the development we sorely need in our homelands.
Obasanjo may be regarded as a failure in some quarters (I personally disagree, though) but one thing no one would deny him is the timeliness and absolute necessity in setting up the EFCC. Since the body came on stream, not only has the country become too hot for official criminals, Europe and North America have been made a no-go area for them. To a large extent, people with the intent to steal have had reasons to think twice. Agreed, EFCC has not eradicated official corruption in Nigeria, but it has sent quite a few thieves in and out of government to the gallows, and made it impossible for some of them to ever step their sodden feet on any developed country again.. Without any fear of contradiction, the EFCC remains by a mile, the most effective government body in the last administration.
It is therefore ironic, and in fact totally inexplicable, that that same body would find itself in the line of fire of the Attorney General of the Federation, of all persons. No matter how dumb a person is, if you are appointed the Attorney General of the Federation, you’ll know your primary responsibility is to the State, and not your friends and former clients. If the Attorney General of the Federation finds out that the call of duty of makes it expedient for him to prosecute and possibly indict his friends and benefactors, and he is uncomfortable doing this, the least he should do is resign his position. You do not scheme to disable and render incapacitated Nigeria’s most effective body because you do not want your friends, accused of crimes against the state, to go to jail or lose their stolen wealth.
It is an open secret that most governors in the last dispensation were shameless thieves – why else would one of them jump bail and become a fugitive, another forge a letter from a US hospital to present to a court of law (that alone should land him in jail for several years without further investigation) to get out of the country, and another preemptively going to court to ask that he should not be investigated nor arrested! Ordinarily, these people should be kept at arms length by any self-respecting government official until they’ve had their days in court and, where applicable, declared innocent.
It is a crying shame that the Attorney General would want to subject the EFCC to all sorts of demeaning acts on the excuse the Commission witch-hunting. It is my humble submission that the EFCC should be left to witch-hunt; at least they are getting results and putting thieves behind bars. The accusation that they are not going after other thieves, real or imagined, holds no water. The essence of law is not to catch all criminals; it is to catch and punish the maximum number possible so as to serve as deterrent to other would-be criminals. It is impossible to arrest and jail all thieves, but for everyone jailed, that is one less thief enjoying his stolen wealth.
The other accusation about the EFCC disobeying court orders is another bumkum. No one, the Attorney General inclusive, has been able to point out one single court order that the body has ignored. If anything, it has managed to operate under the climate of annoying misuse and abuse of the rule of law by these conscionless public criminals. The very least the Attorney General could do, by virtue of his office, is support and assist the EFCC in bringing known and suspected criminals to book. As the Chief Law Enforcement Officer of the Federation, he should not only support all anti-criminal processes, he should be seen to support them.
The Attorney General must henceforth cease and desist from antagonizing the EFCC and constituting itself into a stumbling block in the course of justice. It is useless to call for his resignation because people like him have no conscience deep enough to convict and convince them to toe the honorable way. What needs to be done, however, is for all lovers of the country, and anyone desiring that Nigeria continue on the path of development, to call on the President, Umaru Yar’Adua, to get his Attorney General his pink slip. It is heartening reading his statement declaring that all former governors declared corrupt would have to face the law. Sweet music. But Mr. President needs to remove his Attorney General first. He has already shown himself to be an impartial prosecutor. The Attorney General needs to be replaced. He who comes to equity must come with clean hands. The Attorney General of the Federation has shown in no uncertain term that his hands are stinkingly dirty.
It is truly disgusting and heart-breaking to watch the current face-off between the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission and the Attorney General of the Federation. Ordinarily, one would expect the political head of the body saddled with policing the country, putting offenders behind bars and giving justice to the wronged, and that set up to bring white-collar criminals to justice, to have one and the same agenda, support each other’s efforts and rid the country of criminals.
But not in Nigeria of today. When the EFCC was set up by the administration of Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, not a few Nigerians breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that such body, considering the inefficient and corruption-ridden police force, was long overdue. For decades, public officials have stolen Nigeria blind and government after government, rather than stem the tide, actually institutionalized financial crimes in government circles.
One need not be an expert to know that what has kept Nigeria, and in fact the whole of Black Africa, in perpetual stagnation has been the large scale corruption of government officials across the continent. With the resources at the disposal of most African nations, especially Nigeria, there normally should be little or no need for the outrageous amount of foreign debts we pile on ourselves every year. But an insane proportion of these resources have been plundered and most of them sent abroad to foreign bank accounts, and therefore unavailable to finance the development we sorely need in our homelands.
Obasanjo may be regarded as a failure in some quarters (I personally disagree, though) but one thing no one would deny him is the timeliness and absolute necessity in setting up the EFCC. Since the body came on stream, not only has the country become too hot for official criminals, Europe and North America have been made a no-go area for them. To a large extent, people with the intent to steal have had reasons to think twice. Agreed, EFCC has not eradicated official corruption in Nigeria, but it has sent quite a few thieves in and out of government to the gallows, and made it impossible for some of them to ever step their sodden feet on any developed country again.. Without any fear of contradiction, the EFCC remains by a mile, the most effective government body in the last administration.
It is therefore ironic, and in fact totally inexplicable, that that same body would find itself in the line of fire of the Attorney General of the Federation, of all persons. No matter how dumb a person is, if you are appointed the Attorney General of the Federation, you’ll know your primary responsibility is to the State, and not your friends and former clients. If the Attorney General of the Federation finds out that the call of duty of makes it expedient for him to prosecute and possibly indict his friends and benefactors, and he is uncomfortable doing this, the least he should do is resign his position. You do not scheme to disable and render incapacitated Nigeria’s most effective body because you do not want your friends, accused of crimes against the state, to go to jail or lose their stolen wealth.
It is an open secret that most governors in the last dispensation were shameless thieves – why else would one of them jump bail and become a fugitive, another forge a letter from a US hospital to present to a court of law (that alone should land him in jail for several years without further investigation) to get out of the country, and another preemptively going to court to ask that he should not be investigated nor arrested! Ordinarily, these people should be kept at arms length by any self-respecting government official until they’ve had their days in court and, where applicable, declared innocent.
It is a crying shame that the Attorney General would want to subject the EFCC to all sorts of demeaning acts on the excuse the Commission witch-hunting. It is my humble submission that the EFCC should be left to witch-hunt; at least they are getting results and putting thieves behind bars. The accusation that they are not going after other thieves, real or imagined, holds no water. The essence of law is not to catch all criminals; it is to catch and punish the maximum number possible so as to serve as deterrent to other would-be criminals. It is impossible to arrest and jail all thieves, but for everyone jailed, that is one less thief enjoying his stolen wealth.
The other accusation about the EFCC disobeying court orders is another bumkum. No one, the Attorney General inclusive, has been able to point out one single court order that the body has ignored. If anything, it has managed to operate under the climate of annoying misuse and abuse of the rule of law by these conscionless public criminals. The very least the Attorney General could do, by virtue of his office, is support and assist the EFCC in bringing known and suspected criminals to book. As the Chief Law Enforcement Officer of the Federation, he should not only support all anti-criminal processes, he should be seen to support them.
The Attorney General must henceforth cease and desist from antagonizing the EFCC and constituting itself into a stumbling block in the course of justice. It is useless to call for his resignation because people like him have no conscience deep enough to convict and convince them to toe the honorable way. What needs to be done, however, is for all lovers of the country, and anyone desiring that Nigeria continue on the path of development, to call on the President, Umaru Yar’Adua, to get his Attorney General his pink slip. It is heartening reading his statement declaring that all former governors declared corrupt would have to face the law. Sweet music. But Mr. President needs to remove his Attorney General first. He has already shown himself to be an impartial prosecutor. The Attorney General needs to be replaced. He who comes to equity must come with clean hands. The Attorney General of the Federation has shown in no uncertain term that his hands are stinkingly dirty.
Dateline: Friday 21 September, 2007
ADE EBIMOMI, A MAN UNITED FAN? NOT EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!
A very close friend, after reading my last blog on Arsenal, suggested I might wake up one day to be a Man disUnited fan.
Ha?!!! Me a Man (dis)United fan?!!! That is an absolute "impossicant". I don't even like their manager. And I hate the way they play. Very boring and predictable. Besides, I am a Gunner FOR LIFE! I have been a died-in-the-wool Arsenal ever since I lived next door to their old stadium in Highbury Park, North London, as an A Level student in the early 80s. Ade Ebimomi bleeds Arsenal red, dreams Arsenal gold and breaths Arsenal white! Me a Man disUnited fan? Not in a zillion years!!! My allegiance is to the Gunners, and that will never change under any circumstances!!! I derive too much joy just watching those boys sell dummies to respectable opposing players week-in, week-out, to want any other team. Like I used to say in those heady days of teenage years, "an impossibility can never be possicant!". End of story
A very close friend, after reading my last blog on Arsenal, suggested I might wake up one day to be a Man disUnited fan.
Ha?!!! Me a Man (dis)United fan?!!! That is an absolute "impossicant". I don't even like their manager. And I hate the way they play. Very boring and predictable. Besides, I am a Gunner FOR LIFE! I have been a died-in-the-wool Arsenal ever since I lived next door to their old stadium in Highbury Park, North London, as an A Level student in the early 80s. Ade Ebimomi bleeds Arsenal red, dreams Arsenal gold and breaths Arsenal white! Me a Man disUnited fan? Not in a zillion years!!! My allegiance is to the Gunners, and that will never change under any circumstances!!! I derive too much joy just watching those boys sell dummies to respectable opposing players week-in, week-out, to want any other team. Like I used to say in those heady days of teenage years, "an impossibility can never be possicant!". End of story
Dateline: Thursday 20th September, 2007
CAN'T SAY ENOUGH OF THESE GUNNERS!
These Gunners leave me speechless. After riding to the top of the Premiership league with a string of very emphatic trouncing of almost all opposition so far, The Boys showed the stuff they are made off by making nonsense of Sevilla's acclaimed brilliance.
No doubt, Sevilla is by no means anyone's push-over in European football. They've won the EUFA Cup twice in a row, and are the defending champions. They came third in the Spanish La Liga last season behind Real Madrid and Barcelona - and these two of the biggest football clubs in the world. They have a Manager who teaches almost to the letter, the Arsenal type of entertainning, all-out attacking football. They haven't lost a game this season - until they came face-to-face with the fluid-playing, confidence-bursting, mouth-shutting, record-messing boys of Arsenal FC.
Sevilla's confidence could be measured in the words of it's Skipper, who cockily but ignorantly predicted before the game that Sevilla would show the English teams how to beat Arsenal. I actualy laughed when I read that. I wonder what's going on in his mind right now as he and his team have been confined to the rubbish heap of Arsenal's 3-nil thumping, just like almost every opponent Arsenal have played this year.
One thing that immensenly amuses me about this Arsenal team is the way they go about demolishing every opponent with emphatic conviction. They are making nonsense of all opposition's preparations and messing up opposition's manager's careers. Van Persie says the team is playing football out of this planet. I agree with him totally.
Prior to being shamefully beaten 3-0 by Arsenal last weekend, Martin Jol, the manager of Tottenham Hotspurs, Arsenal's North London unworthy rival, had disrespectfully referred to Arsenal as not as good as they (Arsenal) think they are. He even went ahead to say his team would finish ahead of the Gunners. Ten minutes after the trouncing, the poor man, with his job on the line as a result of the woeful result, completely forgot the nonsense he said before the game and went ahead describing Arsenal as the best team in the land. Sometimes, you need a good trouncing to get the truth out of your mouth.
CHELSEA AND THE REST OF THE LEAGUE
My heart goes out to all the Chelsea fans out there. I had predicted late last season that the team was going to self-implode. Now it's happening. Abramnovich, the billionaire owner of the club, seeing the way Arsenal plays and filling stadium games after games, had expressed his wish that Chelsea should play like that too (no kidding. Check out thesun.co.uk) He could be forgiven for wanting his team to pay Arsenal's free-flowing, heart-warming and result-oriented style, but he forgot one thing: Jose Mourinho is no Arsene Wenger. After the disgraceful showing of Chelsea against Champions League minnows, Rosenberg of Norway last night, Abramnovich had probably had enough and called Jose to pack his stuff and move on.
Personally, I won't miss the man. While I liked his confident and cocky personality, I think he's been too much of a loud mouth, and very little of a coach. But I see Chelsea going down the drain from here. Sad thing is, when they meet Arsenal next month and get thumped 3-0, Chelsea fans will claim it's because they lost Jose.
Man U is already giving excuses for its lacklustre performances to start the season. They've barely managed to beat most of their opponents this season, scrapping by by a string of 1-0 results in their last four games.
That leaves Liverpool as our remaining opponent of note. The same Liverpool we trounced 3-0 and 6-3 consecutively last season.
I don't want to gloat yet. The season is a long one. But I'm curious, like Cest Fabregas, to know where this team will be come next April. Oh, by the way, there are still spaces in our Arsenal heart for Chelsea, Man U and other team supporters wishing to change allegiance. Yes, we are that generous. Both in goal-scoring and in our heart.
How has your week been?
Ade.
adeking@msn.com
These Gunners leave me speechless. After riding to the top of the Premiership league with a string of very emphatic trouncing of almost all opposition so far, The Boys showed the stuff they are made off by making nonsense of Sevilla's acclaimed brilliance.
No doubt, Sevilla is by no means anyone's push-over in European football. They've won the EUFA Cup twice in a row, and are the defending champions. They came third in the Spanish La Liga last season behind Real Madrid and Barcelona - and these two of the biggest football clubs in the world. They have a Manager who teaches almost to the letter, the Arsenal type of entertainning, all-out attacking football. They haven't lost a game this season - until they came face-to-face with the fluid-playing, confidence-bursting, mouth-shutting, record-messing boys of Arsenal FC.
Sevilla's confidence could be measured in the words of it's Skipper, who cockily but ignorantly predicted before the game that Sevilla would show the English teams how to beat Arsenal. I actualy laughed when I read that. I wonder what's going on in his mind right now as he and his team have been confined to the rubbish heap of Arsenal's 3-nil thumping, just like almost every opponent Arsenal have played this year.
One thing that immensenly amuses me about this Arsenal team is the way they go about demolishing every opponent with emphatic conviction. They are making nonsense of all opposition's preparations and messing up opposition's manager's careers. Van Persie says the team is playing football out of this planet. I agree with him totally.
Prior to being shamefully beaten 3-0 by Arsenal last weekend, Martin Jol, the manager of Tottenham Hotspurs, Arsenal's North London unworthy rival, had disrespectfully referred to Arsenal as not as good as they (Arsenal) think they are. He even went ahead to say his team would finish ahead of the Gunners. Ten minutes after the trouncing, the poor man, with his job on the line as a result of the woeful result, completely forgot the nonsense he said before the game and went ahead describing Arsenal as the best team in the land. Sometimes, you need a good trouncing to get the truth out of your mouth.
CHELSEA AND THE REST OF THE LEAGUE
My heart goes out to all the Chelsea fans out there. I had predicted late last season that the team was going to self-implode. Now it's happening. Abramnovich, the billionaire owner of the club, seeing the way Arsenal plays and filling stadium games after games, had expressed his wish that Chelsea should play like that too (no kidding. Check out thesun.co.uk) He could be forgiven for wanting his team to pay Arsenal's free-flowing, heart-warming and result-oriented style, but he forgot one thing: Jose Mourinho is no Arsene Wenger. After the disgraceful showing of Chelsea against Champions League minnows, Rosenberg of Norway last night, Abramnovich had probably had enough and called Jose to pack his stuff and move on.
Personally, I won't miss the man. While I liked his confident and cocky personality, I think he's been too much of a loud mouth, and very little of a coach. But I see Chelsea going down the drain from here. Sad thing is, when they meet Arsenal next month and get thumped 3-0, Chelsea fans will claim it's because they lost Jose.
Man U is already giving excuses for its lacklustre performances to start the season. They've barely managed to beat most of their opponents this season, scrapping by by a string of 1-0 results in their last four games.
That leaves Liverpool as our remaining opponent of note. The same Liverpool we trounced 3-0 and 6-3 consecutively last season.
I don't want to gloat yet. The season is a long one. But I'm curious, like Cest Fabregas, to know where this team will be come next April. Oh, by the way, there are still spaces in our Arsenal heart for Chelsea, Man U and other team supporters wishing to change allegiance. Yes, we are that generous. Both in goal-scoring and in our heart.
How has your week been?
Ade.
adeking@msn.com
Dateline: Wednesday 19th September, 2007
DISORDER IN AMERICAN COURTS, INDEED.
(As received from a friend)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ____________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now, whose death do you suppose terminated it? ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess. _____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would youlike to rephrase that?______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the dy?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table, wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
(As received from a friend)
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ____________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now, whose death do you suppose terminated it? ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess. _____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would youlike to rephrase that?______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the dy?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table, wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Dateline: Friday 14 September, 2007
So You Think It's A Man's World? Think Again.
(On A Lighter Note)
If it really was a man's world...
1. A girl should be able to ask a man out, pay for dinner, movies and taxi home, and the man would have the right to turn down any request for a night cap after it all - without the girl feeling used.
2. Birth control would come in lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
14. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
17. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.
18. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.
19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and #2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.
20. Every male worker would have a sexy female secretary, especially hired to serve his needs.
21. Everyone would have a real Light Sabre and a fight to the death would settle any disagreements.
22. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
23. Snoring would rank as one of the most desirable attributes in a man.
(On A Lighter Note)
If it really was a man's world...
1. A girl should be able to ask a man out, pay for dinner, movies and taxi home, and the man would have the right to turn down any request for a night cap after it all - without the girl feeling used.
2. Birth control would come in lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
14. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
17. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.
18. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.
19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and #2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.
20. Every male worker would have a sexy female secretary, especially hired to serve his needs.
21. Everyone would have a real Light Sabre and a fight to the death would settle any disagreements.
22. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
23. Snoring would rank as one of the most desirable attributes in a man.
Dateline: Tuesday 4th September, 2007
Our Assurances...According To The Holy Bible.
Assurance of Salvation. "... God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life... 1 John 5:11-12
Assurance of Answered Prayer. "...Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete... John 16:24
Assurance of Victory, over Temptation "...No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it... 1 Corinthians 10:13
Assurance of Forgiveness ...If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness... 1 John 1:9
Assurance of His Everlasting Friendship "... Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you..." Hebrews 13:5
Assurance of Goodwill...For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future... Jeremiah 29:11
An easy way to remember how to pray is by remembering and using the acronym A.C.T.S.
Adoration of God
Confession of sins
Thankful for His blessings
Supplication-prayers for others and yourself
Assurance of Salvation. "... God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life... 1 John 5:11-12
Assurance of Answered Prayer. "...Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete... John 16:24
Assurance of Victory, over Temptation "...No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it... 1 Corinthians 10:13
Assurance of Forgiveness ...If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness... 1 John 1:9
Assurance of His Everlasting Friendship "... Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you..." Hebrews 13:5
Assurance of Goodwill...For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future... Jeremiah 29:11
An easy way to remember how to pray is by remembering and using the acronym A.C.T.S.
Adoration of God
Confession of sins
Thankful for His blessings
Supplication-prayers for others and yourself
Dateline: Monday 3rd September, 2007
Not Yet Uhuru?
I don't know if you have been following the Patricia Olubunmi Ette's saga in Nigeria. Here's the gist: this woman, being the newly-installed Speaker of the House of Representatives, wanted her official residence and that of her Deputy renovated and, to befit her status as the 4yh in line to the Throne, wanted a few nice rides to go with it. So she approved a princely (or queenly) sum of six hundred and twenty eight million naira for the project. That's a little over US$5million. To renovate a less-than-two -years old, never-lived-in, residential house!
Let's put that into perspective: The total lifetime worth of our President, actually inflated by some political and election campaign gifts, is slightly over Mdam Speaker's renovation cost, at 800million naira. The total allocated budgetry sum for the National Poverty Eradication Scheme is 3.35million naira. Rehabilitation of the entire Lagos-Ibadan Expressway (at N2.5m per km) would cost only N300million. The total budgetted 2007 local and international training cost of the entire Nigerian Airforce is N269million naira.
The total annual salary of the Nigerian Ministry of Aviation is N97m. A nice, well-finished block of 6 3-bedroom flats will set you back, with good management, just over 25million naira. A massive, luxurious 5 bedroom mansion in Abuja will cost just over 80million naira, including land. For 600million naira, you'll get seven of those, built from ground up, and furnished with enough change left to travel the world year round !
That's the amount Madam Speaker said it cost her to renovate & furnish her residence and buy herself a few nice cars to boot, at the expense of the tax-payers! Whoever calls this corruption is begging the issue. It is nothing short of extreme wickedness and total lack of feelings for millions of pensioners, workers, students and common man whose pensions, salaries, libraries and lives (respectively) would have been made better by a fraction of this stolen common wealth.
I sincerely thought we were on our way to conquering stealing in high places with the way the EFCC have been going about dealing with the thieves in public offices. I obviously thought wrong. Sad as it is, and reluctance as I am to say this, this certainly reflects badly on the government of Musa Yar'Adua. Agreed, there is separation of power in a Presidential system of government, but we are talking about massive fraud in government here, the like of which the former Senate Speaker, Wabara, lost his seat and faced prosecution under Obasanjo. Besides, the buck stops on the President's table.
If Yar'Adua allows the PDP to sweep this scandal under the carpet, as they are currently shamelessly trying to do, his government shall forever be tainted, and stand accused of being a lame duck leader who cowers as the thieves around him strip the house to the bone.
LAST LINE:
I must ask for your forgiveness and understanding here. When this site debuted a week ago, I had promised the articles will come on a daily basis. Obviously, those of you checking in everyday have noticed, and written to remind me, that I have not upheld my promise. I found out, rather to my chagrin, that the business of everyday leaves me with not enough time everyday to meet my writing obligations. Now, my respect for journalists who write everyday deepens. If you'll permit me, I'll love to do this at least once a week - every Monday?
Have a wonderful, wonderful week.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
I don't know if you have been following the Patricia Olubunmi Ette's saga in Nigeria. Here's the gist: this woman, being the newly-installed Speaker of the House of Representatives, wanted her official residence and that of her Deputy renovated and, to befit her status as the 4yh in line to the Throne, wanted a few nice rides to go with it. So she approved a princely (or queenly) sum of six hundred and twenty eight million naira for the project. That's a little over US$5million. To renovate a less-than-two -years old, never-lived-in, residential house!
Let's put that into perspective: The total lifetime worth of our President, actually inflated by some political and election campaign gifts, is slightly over Mdam Speaker's renovation cost, at 800million naira. The total allocated budgetry sum for the National Poverty Eradication Scheme is 3.35million naira. Rehabilitation of the entire Lagos-Ibadan Expressway (at N2.5m per km) would cost only N300million. The total budgetted 2007 local and international training cost of the entire Nigerian Airforce is N269million naira.
The total annual salary of the Nigerian Ministry of Aviation is N97m. A nice, well-finished block of 6 3-bedroom flats will set you back, with good management, just over 25million naira. A massive, luxurious 5 bedroom mansion in Abuja will cost just over 80million naira, including land. For 600million naira, you'll get seven of those, built from ground up, and furnished with enough change left to travel the world year round !
That's the amount Madam Speaker said it cost her to renovate & furnish her residence and buy herself a few nice cars to boot, at the expense of the tax-payers! Whoever calls this corruption is begging the issue. It is nothing short of extreme wickedness and total lack of feelings for millions of pensioners, workers, students and common man whose pensions, salaries, libraries and lives (respectively) would have been made better by a fraction of this stolen common wealth.
I sincerely thought we were on our way to conquering stealing in high places with the way the EFCC have been going about dealing with the thieves in public offices. I obviously thought wrong. Sad as it is, and reluctance as I am to say this, this certainly reflects badly on the government of Musa Yar'Adua. Agreed, there is separation of power in a Presidential system of government, but we are talking about massive fraud in government here, the like of which the former Senate Speaker, Wabara, lost his seat and faced prosecution under Obasanjo. Besides, the buck stops on the President's table.
If Yar'Adua allows the PDP to sweep this scandal under the carpet, as they are currently shamelessly trying to do, his government shall forever be tainted, and stand accused of being a lame duck leader who cowers as the thieves around him strip the house to the bone.
LAST LINE:
I must ask for your forgiveness and understanding here. When this site debuted a week ago, I had promised the articles will come on a daily basis. Obviously, those of you checking in everyday have noticed, and written to remind me, that I have not upheld my promise. I found out, rather to my chagrin, that the business of everyday leaves me with not enough time everyday to meet my writing obligations. Now, my respect for journalists who write everyday deepens. If you'll permit me, I'll love to do this at least once a week - every Monday?
Have a wonderful, wonderful week.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
Dateline: Thursday 30th August, 2007
Allow me to amuse you today with this piece sent to me by a much-loved Uncle from Down Under (Australia, for those of you outside of the UK).
Little Paul watched his daddy's car drive pass by the school playground & go into the woods. Curious, Paul followed the car and saw Daddy & Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Paul found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home & started to tell his mother."Mommy, I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."
At this point Mommy cut him off & said, "Paul, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Paul to tell his story. Paul started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane & Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy & Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
MORAL: Sometimes, you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt someone.
Have a beautiful day.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
Little Paul watched his daddy's car drive pass by the school playground & go into the woods. Curious, Paul followed the car and saw Daddy & Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Paul found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home & started to tell his mother."Mommy, I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."
At this point Mommy cut him off & said, "Paul, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Paul to tell his story. Paul started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane & Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy & Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
MORAL: Sometimes, you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt someone.
Have a beautiful day.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
Dateline: Wednesday 29th August, 2007
Democrat by Heart, Republican By Conscience...
Thank you, guys, for your interests in my thoughts. Your responses have truly pleasantly surprised me. A few of you wanted to know what I meant by “Democrat by heart, Republican by conscience…” I’ll take this opportunity to throw a little light on it.
By nature, I am a Democrat. I subscribe to the ideals of equal opportunity for everyman, irrespective of place or quality of birth. I believe those who, on account of circumstances beyond their control, find themselves disadvantaged in different areas of life, should be assisted to get a foothold as they climb the mountain of life. I believe in quantitative and qualitative education for every child of school-going age, the circumstances of their birth not-withstanding.
I believe, very strongly, that every man has a right to quality healthcare, gainful employment, and a comfortable retirement, irrespective of race, religion, sex, or political beliefs. I hold strongly to the belief that everyman was created equal, and no man, on account of a perceived superior thrust, should hold another in political, mental or economic slavery or bondage.
I believe in the state being accountable to those whose obligations it carries. I believe in the absolute right of everyman to freedom of choice of association, religion and political affiliation.
I, however, strongly stand against abortion, gay marriage, and separation of state and God. While I subscribe to the fact that everyman (and that includes every woman) has a right to do what they like to their body, that right stops where someone else’s right starts. In the case of abortion, a woman’s right to choose (as propounded by the Democrats) terminates (pun intended) and truncates the right of the unborn child to life.
Sodomy, in any form, is not only a sin against oneself, but also a sin against God and society. There is a reason why gays and homosexuals ‘hide in a closet’ for a long time before ‘coming out’ with their sexual orientation. They know it is not accepted by the society, and friends and family will describe them as perverted, sick and queer. I personally see homosexualism as a disease of the mind, a mental ailment, and like every sick person, homosexuals should be helped towards seeking a cure for their illness.
Homosexuals should never be ostracized or alienated or seen as lesser being on account of their illness, whether they accept such illness or not (have you ever seen a mad man accept he is mad? The moment a mentally deranged man accepts his illness, he is on his final step to recovery). Homosexuals may never accept theirs is a disease of the mind, that notwithstanding, they have every right to every freedom guaranteed by nature. Except the right to marriage.
Marriage, since the beginning of time, is an association between two people of opposing sexes. The moment a pair of homosexuals step out to the marriage stage, they destroy the essence and meaning of marriage, and in effect, truncating the right of others to the real meaning of marriage. God, in any religion, ordains marriage as a vessel for procreation. How, on God’s own earth, is a homosexual couple going to naturally fulfill that?
Have a pleasant day.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
Thank you, guys, for your interests in my thoughts. Your responses have truly pleasantly surprised me. A few of you wanted to know what I meant by “Democrat by heart, Republican by conscience…” I’ll take this opportunity to throw a little light on it.
By nature, I am a Democrat. I subscribe to the ideals of equal opportunity for everyman, irrespective of place or quality of birth. I believe those who, on account of circumstances beyond their control, find themselves disadvantaged in different areas of life, should be assisted to get a foothold as they climb the mountain of life. I believe in quantitative and qualitative education for every child of school-going age, the circumstances of their birth not-withstanding.
I believe, very strongly, that every man has a right to quality healthcare, gainful employment, and a comfortable retirement, irrespective of race, religion, sex, or political beliefs. I hold strongly to the belief that everyman was created equal, and no man, on account of a perceived superior thrust, should hold another in political, mental or economic slavery or bondage.
I believe in the state being accountable to those whose obligations it carries. I believe in the absolute right of everyman to freedom of choice of association, religion and political affiliation.
I, however, strongly stand against abortion, gay marriage, and separation of state and God. While I subscribe to the fact that everyman (and that includes every woman) has a right to do what they like to their body, that right stops where someone else’s right starts. In the case of abortion, a woman’s right to choose (as propounded by the Democrats) terminates (pun intended) and truncates the right of the unborn child to life.
Sodomy, in any form, is not only a sin against oneself, but also a sin against God and society. There is a reason why gays and homosexuals ‘hide in a closet’ for a long time before ‘coming out’ with their sexual orientation. They know it is not accepted by the society, and friends and family will describe them as perverted, sick and queer. I personally see homosexualism as a disease of the mind, a mental ailment, and like every sick person, homosexuals should be helped towards seeking a cure for their illness.
Homosexuals should never be ostracized or alienated or seen as lesser being on account of their illness, whether they accept such illness or not (have you ever seen a mad man accept he is mad? The moment a mentally deranged man accepts his illness, he is on his final step to recovery). Homosexuals may never accept theirs is a disease of the mind, that notwithstanding, they have every right to every freedom guaranteed by nature. Except the right to marriage.
Marriage, since the beginning of time, is an association between two people of opposing sexes. The moment a pair of homosexuals step out to the marriage stage, they destroy the essence and meaning of marriage, and in effect, truncating the right of others to the real meaning of marriage. God, in any religion, ordains marriage as a vessel for procreation. How, on God’s own earth, is a homosexual couple going to naturally fulfill that?
Have a pleasant day.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
Dateline: Monday 27th August.
Welcome to my world. Welcome to my space. On these pages, I'll open the windows of my life to you so could take a peek and share in my fears, my pains, my joys and my hopes.
I'll share with you my thoughts on politics, entertainment, science, history, family, relationship, religion, love (or lack of it). I'll take you along (literarily, excuse me?) on my many journeys, and let you share in my discoveries, my frustrations, my failures and my successes.
What's Life Without A Little Controversy?
My treatise may dance on the fringes of controversies. No qualms. What's life without a little controversy? A little controversy, my friends say, is good for the soul.
Disagree with some (or all) of my writings? Don't get mad, get even. Drop me a line. Or two. Infact, drop me as many lines as it would take to assuage your wronged soul. You are at liberty, my friend, to write for as long as it takes you to completely vent your spleen.
Make It A Habbit
Thanks a bunch for stopping by. I appreciate it, truly I do - what is the essence of a blog if no one stops by? Drop by again tomorrow. In fact, make it a habit. I promise you'll find something to tickle your fancy here everyday. Or one that'll grind you the wrong way.
Gotta go now. Enjoy the following article. It's what you asked for. And, enjoy whatever is left of your day.
Ade.
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