As a mortgage finance professional in the United States in the mid-nineties and early 2000s, I was privileged to observe firsthand, the beginning of the sub-prime loan mess that has now turned out to be, arguably, the worst thing to happen to the financial world in recent memory. I commented way back then to friends and other professional colleagues how what was taking place then would become the entire world’s albatross if care was not taken. How could supposedly well-managed financial institutions and mortgage investors like Countrywide Home Loans (then America’s largest home lender), Bank of America, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac (then America’s largest buyer of mortgage-backed securities) and a host of others, take money (depositors and investors funds) away from the relatively safe prime lending, and wholesomely dump same in the extremely risky but (understandably) profitable sub-prime sector, and not expect things to go awry somewhere along the line?
How could any bank drop or relax its lending criteria, jettison established lending oversight functions, and extend long-term loans to grossly under-qualified borrowers, most of them with proven inability to pay, for the sake of higher immediate profit, and not expect to run into troubled waters, even in the short term?
I witnessed how a host of prime-lenders rushed to establish sub-prime subsidiaries primarily to take advantage of the easy money to be made in the later sector. Long established lending requirements like job stability, sufficient incomes and decent credit report scores, were sacrificed on the altar of avariciousness. These actions were enough to send very strong signals to any decent financial professional that the mortgage lending business was headed for the proverbial iceberg.
The entire financial world ended up feeling the heat of some of America’s largest financial corporations’ greed because, like most things in today’s electronically-connected world, the world’s entire financial systems are intricately woven. When an American mortgage lender underwrites, approves and extends a mortgage loan, they seldom ever hold the portfolio. What they do is take these loans into the secondary market where bigger investment banks (like Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers and HSBC) buy them at a premium. The Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers of this world hold and manage investment portfolios for investors from around the world, including high net-worth individuals, corporations and government entities. In the world of finance, and especially banking, whatever happens to Institution A will invariably, either directly or indirectly, affect Institutions B, C, D somewhere down the line. It stands to reason, therefore, that when Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers went under, under the weight of the sub-prime mess, many others will, if not totally sink with them, at least have a Herculean task in making it to shore safely.
While the ripple effects of the American sub-prime fall-out gripped the UK economy and the rest of Europe, the rest of the economic and financial world knew something urgent, massive and drastic needed to be done to prevent the credit crunch from sending their economy into recession. The European Union called a meeting of its central bank governors early last year to find ways to solve the problem before it became unsolvable. Australia announced a £150billion pro-active government bail-out plan for its financial system about six months ago. A couple of months back, the Republic of Ireland took an unprecedented step of guaranteeing all deposits in its entire banking system to forestall a run on its banks. This week, the VOAnews.com reported that Germany's coalition government agreed to an economic aid package worth about $67 billion dollars. In the United States, aides to Barrack Obama, the President-elect, have been working on a two-year recovery plan whose value could reach $850billion. Today, it was reported by The New York Times that a $2trillion bank rescue programme has just sailed through the American Congress.
Tried as Britain did, it could not survive the crunch. Despite the massive £50billion cash infusion into the British financial system in the early part of last year, and a host of other hundreds of billions spent in other macroeconomic measures taken by the Gordon Brown administration, its economy finally and officially went into recession in the latter part of last year.
It, therefore, was shocking and professionally unbelievable that our own CBN Governor, Prof. Charles Soludo, would claim, some months back, that Nigeria was insulated from the financial crisis rocking the world. What? Does he not know where the country’s almost $60billion in foreign reserve was parked? Was he not aware that our foreign reserve is denominated in the American dollar? Does he not know that our economy is grossly import-dependent, and therefore will absolutely react to all that was happening around the world? What about the effect of a weakened world on the sale of our main export, crude oil? Wouldn’t a traumatised American and British economy, and the rest of our crude-oil consuming nations, adjust their oil consumption and, therefore, reduce their dependence on our oil, thereby reducing our oil income?
Our national and state budgets are premised on the price of oil. Was the learned governor saying that we would still be able to sustain our budget even if the price of oil plummets as it was expected to at the onset of the crisis? And was he not aware that a considerable percentage of investments in our banking sector is held by foreign investors, some of who have been hurt by the crisis in their home countries, and were then expected to look the way of our economy and its banking sector to call in their investments? Was the CBN governor saying all these would have no effect on our economy? Truth is, even if he believed his own hypothesis then, my bet now is he no longer does. Because the chicken has finally come home to roost.
Nigeria is now undergoing the beginning of what I told a friend last week would make the effects of the austerity measures imposed during the Babangida era in the late ’80s pale in comparison. Right now, we are faced with a double-edged sword of falling oil prices and weakening naira, both a direct result of the world financial crisis. For as long as the crisis exist, oil consumption around the world will continue to drop, as economies struggle to stay afloat, and the demand for oil go in the same direction. The resultant effect of these would be continued fall of the price of oil. Some countries, including Britain, United States and Japan are already developing alternative energy sources in addition to drastically cutting consumption, a situation that could further worsen the price situation. Economists and policy makers around the world are predicting that oil may drop to as low as $25 per barrel before we could begin to see a probable improvement in the next winter months.
What does this development mean? It means there would be significant reduction in government spending. Our budget will slide deeper into deficit. Government contractors and others that do business with the government will suffer deeply, and many of them may go bankrupt. Our economic activities in this country is largely government dependent; reduced government spending will result inevitably in reduced economic activities.
Add these developments to the effects of the falling naira, and you have a really scary situation. Prof Soludo stated, again, in a report carried by the Guardian during the week that the naira was deliberately depreciated. I don’t believe him. How would anyone say he deliberately instituted a policy that would result in increased inflation, rising unemployment, reduced capacity utilization, and possible total reversal of the economic gains of the last four years, and expect to be believed? Hear him: “If the naira becomes too strong against the dollar, Nigeria would become expensive to live in and investors would run from the country.” Really, Prof? In the first place, at N116 to a dollar, the naira was never in danger of getting ‘too’ strong against the dollar. Secondly, it is wrong to postulate that a strong currency would cause inflationary trend in an economy largely dependent on import. Quite contrarily, a weak naira against the dollar, as pointed out by many industrialists, economists and bankers in the last few weeks, would result in serious stagflation in an economy like Nigeria. It would now cost more to import raw materials, a whole lot more, considering what the naira is currently valued at. Formerly, at N116 to a dollar, an importer would need only N116million naira to pay for a $1million raw material. Today, that same importer would need to source for N165million for the exact same import, an extra N49million, which would invariably be passed on to the consumer in form of higher prices. How that helps the economy, according to the learned Professor, beats me.
Prof. Soludo uses China as an example to buttress his point. But China is a net-exporter of goods. The reason the Chinese have adamantly refused to strengthen their currency in the face pressures from America is because it is in their interest to have a week yuan against the dollar. It makes their exports cheaper to the outside world, the main reason they have become the largest exporter in the world in the last five to ten years. A strong yuan will result in Chinese goods being prohibitive and therefore reduce their demand around the world.
This writer believes very strongly that the sudden drop and deep drop of the value of the naira viz a viz the dollar is the result of the pressure by international investors who needed to get their hands on their investments here to cushion the effect of the troubles at home (as reported by the Guardian), and currency speculators, on the limited amount of dollars available for purchase both in the parallel and official markets.
This fact has just been confirmed by Prof Ndidi Onyiuke-Okereke, the DG of the Nigerian Stock Exchange, who finally came in front of our National Assembly to confess that the reason our currency went into tailspin against the dollar was because some $4.5billion was recalled from our capital markets by foreign investors who have been hurt by the crisis in their own country. I am yet to read Prof. Soludo response to this disclosure, since he claimed the devaluation of the naira was a deliberate policy by the CBN.
The effects of the double-edged sword of the global financial crisis, which Soludo either didn’t envisage or prepare for, is already rippling through our economy. The vicious circle has already started: falling oil prices resulting in reduced federal income, which would limit the amount of foreign exchange available for the economy, on one hand, and reduced government spending, on the other hand. Limited foreign exchange would in turn lead to plummeting value of the naira, while reduced government spending would create a vacuum in economic activities. Both would result in stagflation, an unusual situation where rising inflation meets falling employment in a period of inconsequential growth and reduced public demand. This morning, the cover price of the Punch went up by 50% from N100 to N150. Other news title are bound to follow. Reports indicate that no less than three major banks have concluded plans to retrench at least one thousand employees each. The Federal government, the economy’s biggest employer, is in the process of laying off its workers. Several blue-chips companies have started laying off hundreds of their employees, and this is just the beginning.
I respect Prof. Chukwuma Soludo professionalism but I think either the current global financial crisis has exposed the limitation of his knowledge in practical macroeconomics, or he deliberately set out to deceive Nigerians and the rest of the world about the true state of our economy. I think the President’s recent constitution of an economic team to tackle the current crisis with very little input from him could be seen as a vote of no- confidence. Time for him to go and let a better hand run things before he commits another error of judgement and send our economy tail-spinning?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Senate Not Superior To The House of Reps - Prof Sagay
I find the following article to be one of the very best I've read in a long while - factual, highly-educative, enlightening and straight-to-the-point. Professor Sagay re-affirms here why he remains one of the most brilliant lawyers Nigeria has ever been blessed with. Thought I should share it with my readers. Enjoy it and be educated.- Ade Ebimomi
(as published in the Daily Punch February 10, 2009)
Renowned constitutional lawyer Prof. Itse Sagay (SAN), has described as unnecessary, the face-off between the Senate and the House of Representatives over seniority.
Sagay, in an exclusive interview with our correspondent in Lagos on Sunday, said going by the 1999 Constitution, the two arms of the National Assembly were equal. He argued that the concept of “upper legislative House” and “lower legislative House,” was an ‘importation’ by the mass media and members of the public into the nation’s political lexicom.
The review of the 1999 Constitution by the Joint Constitution Review Committee had suffered some setbacks in the last one month over the insistence of the members of the House of Representatives that their Deputy Speaker, Alhaji Usman Nafada, be designated as a ‘co-chairman’ and not ‘deputy chairman.’ The crisis deepened last month when the House members walked out of a retreat by the committee in Minna, Niger State. Last week, some members of the House threatened to ask a court of law to determine the status of the deputy speaker in the committee.
But Sagay said that the Deputy President of the Senate, Ike Ekweremadu, ought to have allowed Nafada to operate as co-chairman, after the House members had raised the issue. He said, “There is no lower or upper legislative house and I think that kind of thing contributes to this problem. If I were the deputy president of the Senate, I would say okay, you want to be co-chairman, you are co-chairman because the two houses are equal.
“In my view, the answer lies with the deputy president of the Senate. So what is the importance of nomenclature? I don‘t see why that should be a stumbling block. Again, it gives us a certain impression that we are not mature in this country.”
Sagay said the origin of the two legislative houses in Nigeria could be traced to the United States where the bicameral legislature was introduced after heated debates among the federating units over the mode of representation.
The resolution, according to him, came with the decision to have two houses: one - the Senate, to be based on equal representation and the other-House of Representatives - to be based on population.
He said, “The origin comes form America, when in the late 19th century, they were trying to establish a federal government. They first had the confederacy and moving on to federal government, the question of representation arose.
“It was a long debate. So the smaller states said if we allow representation in the house of representatives to be based on population you will have such a large number of representatives, more than us.
“So, the argument went on for a long time, then they came up with an ingenious solution - we should have two houses- One, the senate, will operate on the basis of equal representation so that the issue of equality will be satisfied. Two, a house of representatives, where participation will be based on population, with that, the issue of demography will also be represented.
”That was the solution in America. But you will notice that the two houses are co-equal in America. There is no lower or upper house, they are equal. In fact, the number three man in America is the Speaker, because if anything happens to the President and Vice-President, the speaker comes in automatically. The vice-president of America, is also the President of the Senate, but he only goes there when there is a tie in voting, he goes there to break the tie.
”The person who runs the senate is the majority leader. If we follow all that and translating it to the Nigerian situation, both houses are equal. It is true, just like the American one, our senate has the right of approval. To approve supreme court judges, ambassadors, chairmen of certain commissions and so on, yes. It has that extra power. But, I think that is simply because they are fewer in number and that approval would be better obtained at that level, not because of seniority.
”So, let us remove that idea, the two houses are equal. Now if there is going to be a joint committee and nothing is spelt out about who is going to be the chairman (because in some cases it is spelt out), then you can elect anyone from the two houses as chairman.”
(as published in the Daily Punch February 10, 2009)
Renowned constitutional lawyer Prof. Itse Sagay (SAN), has described as unnecessary, the face-off between the Senate and the House of Representatives over seniority.
Sagay, in an exclusive interview with our correspondent in Lagos on Sunday, said going by the 1999 Constitution, the two arms of the National Assembly were equal. He argued that the concept of “upper legislative House” and “lower legislative House,” was an ‘importation’ by the mass media and members of the public into the nation’s political lexicom.
The review of the 1999 Constitution by the Joint Constitution Review Committee had suffered some setbacks in the last one month over the insistence of the members of the House of Representatives that their Deputy Speaker, Alhaji Usman Nafada, be designated as a ‘co-chairman’ and not ‘deputy chairman.’ The crisis deepened last month when the House members walked out of a retreat by the committee in Minna, Niger State. Last week, some members of the House threatened to ask a court of law to determine the status of the deputy speaker in the committee.
But Sagay said that the Deputy President of the Senate, Ike Ekweremadu, ought to have allowed Nafada to operate as co-chairman, after the House members had raised the issue. He said, “There is no lower or upper legislative house and I think that kind of thing contributes to this problem. If I were the deputy president of the Senate, I would say okay, you want to be co-chairman, you are co-chairman because the two houses are equal.
“In my view, the answer lies with the deputy president of the Senate. So what is the importance of nomenclature? I don‘t see why that should be a stumbling block. Again, it gives us a certain impression that we are not mature in this country.”
Sagay said the origin of the two legislative houses in Nigeria could be traced to the United States where the bicameral legislature was introduced after heated debates among the federating units over the mode of representation.
The resolution, according to him, came with the decision to have two houses: one - the Senate, to be based on equal representation and the other-House of Representatives - to be based on population.
He said, “The origin comes form America, when in the late 19th century, they were trying to establish a federal government. They first had the confederacy and moving on to federal government, the question of representation arose.
“It was a long debate. So the smaller states said if we allow representation in the house of representatives to be based on population you will have such a large number of representatives, more than us.
“So, the argument went on for a long time, then they came up with an ingenious solution - we should have two houses- One, the senate, will operate on the basis of equal representation so that the issue of equality will be satisfied. Two, a house of representatives, where participation will be based on population, with that, the issue of demography will also be represented.
”That was the solution in America. But you will notice that the two houses are co-equal in America. There is no lower or upper house, they are equal. In fact, the number three man in America is the Speaker, because if anything happens to the President and Vice-President, the speaker comes in automatically. The vice-president of America, is also the President of the Senate, but he only goes there when there is a tie in voting, he goes there to break the tie.
”The person who runs the senate is the majority leader. If we follow all that and translating it to the Nigerian situation, both houses are equal. It is true, just like the American one, our senate has the right of approval. To approve supreme court judges, ambassadors, chairmen of certain commissions and so on, yes. It has that extra power. But, I think that is simply because they are fewer in number and that approval would be better obtained at that level, not because of seniority.
”So, let us remove that idea, the two houses are equal. Now if there is going to be a joint committee and nothing is spelt out about who is going to be the chairman (because in some cases it is spelt out), then you can elect anyone from the two houses as chairman.”
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
ANOTHER LOOK AT THE AGF / EFCC FACE-OFF
It is truly disgusting and heart-breaking to watch the current face-off between the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission and the Attorney General of the Federation. Ordinarily, one would expect the political head of the body saddled with policing the country, putting offenders behind bars and giving justice to the wronged, and that set up to bring white-collar criminals to justice, to have one and the same agenda, support each other’s efforts and rid the country of criminals.But not in Nigeria of today.
When the EFCC was set up by the administration of Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, not a few Nigerians breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that such body, considering the inefficient and corruption-ridden police force, was long overdue. For decades, public officials have stolen Nigeria blind and government after government, rather than stem the tide, actually institutionalized financial crimes in government circles.One need not be an expert to know that what has kept Nigeria, and in fact the whole of Black Africa, in perpetual stagnation has been the large scale corruption of government officials across the continent. With the resources at the disposal of most African nations, especially Nigeria, there normally should be little or no need for the outrageous amount of foreign debts we pile on ourselves every year. But an insane proportion of these resources have been plundered and most of them sent abroad to foreign bank accounts, and therefore unavailable to finance the development we sorely need in our homelands.
Obasanjo may be regarded as a failure in some quarters (I personally disagree, though) but one thing no one would deny him is the timeliness and absolute necessity in setting up the EFCC. Since the body came on stream, not only has the country become too hot for official criminals, Europe and North America have been made a no-go area for them. To a large extent, people with the intent to steal have had reasons to think twice. Agreed, EFCC has not eradicated official corruption in Nigeria, but it has sent quite a few thieves in and out of government to the gallows, and made it impossible for some of them to ever step their sodden feet on any developed country again.
Without any fear of contradiction, the EFCC remains by a mile, the most effective government body in the last administration.It is therefore ironic, and in fact totally inexplicable, that that same body would find itself in the line of fire of the Attorney General of the Federation, of all persons. No matter how dumb a person is, if you are appointed the Attorney General of the Federation, you’ll know your primary responsibility is to the State, and not your friends and former clients. If the Attorney General of the Federation finds out that the call of duty of makes it expedient for him to prosecute and possibly indict his friends and benefactors, and he is uncomfortable doing this, the least he should do is resign his position. You do not scheme to disable and render incapacitated Nigeria’s most effective body because you do not want your friends, accused of crimes against the state, to go to jail or lose their stolen wealth.
It is an open secret that most governors in the last dispensation were shameless thieves – why else would one of them jump bail and become a fugitive, another forge a letter from a US hospital to present to a court of law (that alone should land him in jail for several years without further investigation) to get out of the country, and another preemptively going to court to ask that he should not be investigated nor arrested! Ordinarily, these people should be kept at arms length by any self-respecting government official until they’ve had their days in court and, where applicable, declared innocent.It is a crying shame that the Attorney General would want to subject the EFCC to all sorts of demeaning acts on the excuse the Commission witch-hunting.
It is my humble submission that the EFCC should be left to witch-hunt; at least they are getting results and putting thieves behind bars. The accusation that they are not going after other thieves, real or imagined, holds no water. The essence of law is not to catch all criminals; it is to catch and punish the maximum number possible so as to serve as deterrent to other would-be criminals. It is impossible to arrest and jail all thieves, but for everyone jailed, that is one less thief enjoying his stolen wealth.The other accusation about the EFCC disobeying court orders is another bumkum. No one, the Attorney General inclusive, has been able to point out one single court order that the body has ignored. If anything, it has managed to operate under the climate of annoying misuse and abuse of the rule of law by these conscionless public criminals. The very least the Attorney General could do, by virtue of his office, is support and assist the EFCC in bringing known and suspected criminals to book. As the Chief Law Enforcement Officer of the Federation, he should not only support all anti-criminal processes, he should be seen to support them.
The Attorney General must henceforth cease and desist from antagonizing the EFCC and constituting itself into a stumbling block in the course of justice. It is useless to call for his resignation because people like him have no conscience deep enough to convict and convince them to toe the honorable way. What needs to be done, however, is for all lovers of the country, and anyone desiring that Nigeria continue on the path of development, to call on the President, Umaru Yar’Adua, to get his Attorney General his pink slip. It is heartening reading his statement declaring that all former governors declared corrupt would have to face the law. Sweet music. But Mr. President needs to remove his Attorney General first. He has already shown himself to be an impartial prosecutor. The Attorney General needs to be replaced. He who comes to equity must come with clean hands. The Attorney General of the Federation has shown in no uncertain term that his hands are stinkingly soiled.
When the EFCC was set up by the administration of Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, not a few Nigerians breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that such body, considering the inefficient and corruption-ridden police force, was long overdue. For decades, public officials have stolen Nigeria blind and government after government, rather than stem the tide, actually institutionalized financial crimes in government circles.One need not be an expert to know that what has kept Nigeria, and in fact the whole of Black Africa, in perpetual stagnation has been the large scale corruption of government officials across the continent. With the resources at the disposal of most African nations, especially Nigeria, there normally should be little or no need for the outrageous amount of foreign debts we pile on ourselves every year. But an insane proportion of these resources have been plundered and most of them sent abroad to foreign bank accounts, and therefore unavailable to finance the development we sorely need in our homelands.
Obasanjo may be regarded as a failure in some quarters (I personally disagree, though) but one thing no one would deny him is the timeliness and absolute necessity in setting up the EFCC. Since the body came on stream, not only has the country become too hot for official criminals, Europe and North America have been made a no-go area for them. To a large extent, people with the intent to steal have had reasons to think twice. Agreed, EFCC has not eradicated official corruption in Nigeria, but it has sent quite a few thieves in and out of government to the gallows, and made it impossible for some of them to ever step their sodden feet on any developed country again.
Without any fear of contradiction, the EFCC remains by a mile, the most effective government body in the last administration.It is therefore ironic, and in fact totally inexplicable, that that same body would find itself in the line of fire of the Attorney General of the Federation, of all persons. No matter how dumb a person is, if you are appointed the Attorney General of the Federation, you’ll know your primary responsibility is to the State, and not your friends and former clients. If the Attorney General of the Federation finds out that the call of duty of makes it expedient for him to prosecute and possibly indict his friends and benefactors, and he is uncomfortable doing this, the least he should do is resign his position. You do not scheme to disable and render incapacitated Nigeria’s most effective body because you do not want your friends, accused of crimes against the state, to go to jail or lose their stolen wealth.
It is an open secret that most governors in the last dispensation were shameless thieves – why else would one of them jump bail and become a fugitive, another forge a letter from a US hospital to present to a court of law (that alone should land him in jail for several years without further investigation) to get out of the country, and another preemptively going to court to ask that he should not be investigated nor arrested! Ordinarily, these people should be kept at arms length by any self-respecting government official until they’ve had their days in court and, where applicable, declared innocent.It is a crying shame that the Attorney General would want to subject the EFCC to all sorts of demeaning acts on the excuse the Commission witch-hunting.
It is my humble submission that the EFCC should be left to witch-hunt; at least they are getting results and putting thieves behind bars. The accusation that they are not going after other thieves, real or imagined, holds no water. The essence of law is not to catch all criminals; it is to catch and punish the maximum number possible so as to serve as deterrent to other would-be criminals. It is impossible to arrest and jail all thieves, but for everyone jailed, that is one less thief enjoying his stolen wealth.The other accusation about the EFCC disobeying court orders is another bumkum. No one, the Attorney General inclusive, has been able to point out one single court order that the body has ignored. If anything, it has managed to operate under the climate of annoying misuse and abuse of the rule of law by these conscionless public criminals. The very least the Attorney General could do, by virtue of his office, is support and assist the EFCC in bringing known and suspected criminals to book. As the Chief Law Enforcement Officer of the Federation, he should not only support all anti-criminal processes, he should be seen to support them.
The Attorney General must henceforth cease and desist from antagonizing the EFCC and constituting itself into a stumbling block in the course of justice. It is useless to call for his resignation because people like him have no conscience deep enough to convict and convince them to toe the honorable way. What needs to be done, however, is for all lovers of the country, and anyone desiring that Nigeria continue on the path of development, to call on the President, Umaru Yar’Adua, to get his Attorney General his pink slip. It is heartening reading his statement declaring that all former governors declared corrupt would have to face the law. Sweet music. But Mr. President needs to remove his Attorney General first. He has already shown himself to be an impartial prosecutor. The Attorney General needs to be replaced. He who comes to equity must come with clean hands. The Attorney General of the Federation has shown in no uncertain term that his hands are stinkingly soiled.
WHAT IT MEANS TO LOVE, ACCORDING TO THE HOLY BOOK.
“If anyone has this world’s resources and sees his brother and fellow believer in need, yet closes his heart of compassion against him, how can the love of God live and remain in him? Let us not love merely in theory or in speech, but in deed and in truth” (I John 3:17-18 AMP).
Friday, September 14, 2007
SO YOU THINK IT'S A MAN WORLD? THINK AGAIN!
If it really was a man's world...
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the backside and "Cheers for the fun - now f*** off" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
14. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
17. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.
18. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.
19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and #2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.
20. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
21. Everyone would have a real Light Sabre and a fight to the death would settle any disagreements.
22. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
23. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the backside and "Cheers for the fun - now f*** off" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29, so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
5. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
6. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
7. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.
8. Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
10. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen when the ball goes out of play.
11. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."
12. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
13. "Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
14. Lifeguards could remove people from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
15. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
16. Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
17. "Fancy a shag" would be the only chat up line in existence and it would work every time.
18. Everyone would drive at least 70mph and anyone driving under that would be fined.
19. Dinner break would happen every hour and the boss would hire in strippers and #2000 a night hookers for the duration of those breaks.
20. Harrier jump jets would take you to and from work.
21. Everyone would have a real Light Sabre and a fight to the death would settle any disagreements.
22. Vomiting after 20 pints would actually make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
23. When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
A TRUST BETRAYED?
I don't know if you have been following the Patricia Olubunmi Ette's saga in Nigeria. Here's the gist: this woman, being the newly-installed Speaker of the House of Representatives, wanted her official residence and that of her Deputy renovated and, to befit her status as the 4yh in line to the Throne, wanted a few nice rides to go with it. So she approved a princely (or queenly) sum of six hundred and twenty eight million naira for the project. That's a little over US$5million. To renovate a less-than-two -years old, never-lived-in, residential house!
Let's put that into perspective: The total lifetime worth of our President, actually inflated by some political and election campaign gifts, is slightly over Mdam Speaker's renovation cost, at 800million naira. The total allocated budgetry sum for the National Poverty Eradication Scheme is 3.35million naira. Rehabilitation of the entire Lagos-Ibadan Expressway (at N2.5m per km) would cost only N300million. The total budgetted 2007 local and international training cost of the entire Nigerian Airforce is N269million naira. Total annual salary of the Nigerian Ministry of Aviation is N97m. A nice, well-finished block of 6 3-bedroom flats will set you back, with good management, just over 25million naira. A massive, luxurious 5 bedroom mansion in Abuja will cost just over 80million naira, including land. For 600million naira, you'll get seven of those, built from ground up, and furnished with enough change left to travel the world year round !
That's the amount Madam Speaker said it cost her to renovate & furnish her residence and buy herself a few nice cars to boot, at the expense of the tax-payers! Whoever calls this corruption is begging the issue. It is nothing short of extreme wickedness and total lack of feelings for millions of pensioners, workers, students and common man whose pensions, salaries, libraries and lives (respectively) would have been made better by a fraction of this stolen common wealth.
I sincere thought we were on our way to conquering stealing in high places with the way the EFCC have been going about dealing with the thieves in public offices. I obviously thought wrong. Sad as it is, and reluctance as I am to say this, this certainly reflects badly on the government of Musa Yar'Adua. Agreed, there is separation of power in a Presidential system of government, but we are talking about massive fraud in government here, the like of which the former Senate Speaker lost his seat and faced prosecution under Obasanjo. Besides, the buck stops on the President's table.
If Yar'Adua allows the PDP to sweep this scandal under the carpet, as they are currently shamelessly trying to do, his government shall forever be tainted, and stand accused of being a lame duck leader who cowers as the thieves around him strip the house to the bone.
LAST LINE:
I must ask for your forgiveness and understanding here. When this site debuted a week ago, I had promised the articles will come on a daily basis. Obviously, those of you checking in everyday have noticed, and written to remind me, that I have not upheld my promise. I found out, rather to my chagrin, that the business of everyday leaves me with not enough time everyday to meet my writing obligations. Now, my respect for journalists who write everyday deepens. If you'll permit me, I'll love to do this at least once a week - every Monday?
Have a wonderful, wonderful week.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
Let's put that into perspective: The total lifetime worth of our President, actually inflated by some political and election campaign gifts, is slightly over Mdam Speaker's renovation cost, at 800million naira. The total allocated budgetry sum for the National Poverty Eradication Scheme is 3.35million naira. Rehabilitation of the entire Lagos-Ibadan Expressway (at N2.5m per km) would cost only N300million. The total budgetted 2007 local and international training cost of the entire Nigerian Airforce is N269million naira. Total annual salary of the Nigerian Ministry of Aviation is N97m. A nice, well-finished block of 6 3-bedroom flats will set you back, with good management, just over 25million naira. A massive, luxurious 5 bedroom mansion in Abuja will cost just over 80million naira, including land. For 600million naira, you'll get seven of those, built from ground up, and furnished with enough change left to travel the world year round !
That's the amount Madam Speaker said it cost her to renovate & furnish her residence and buy herself a few nice cars to boot, at the expense of the tax-payers! Whoever calls this corruption is begging the issue. It is nothing short of extreme wickedness and total lack of feelings for millions of pensioners, workers, students and common man whose pensions, salaries, libraries and lives (respectively) would have been made better by a fraction of this stolen common wealth.
I sincere thought we were on our way to conquering stealing in high places with the way the EFCC have been going about dealing with the thieves in public offices. I obviously thought wrong. Sad as it is, and reluctance as I am to say this, this certainly reflects badly on the government of Musa Yar'Adua. Agreed, there is separation of power in a Presidential system of government, but we are talking about massive fraud in government here, the like of which the former Senate Speaker lost his seat and faced prosecution under Obasanjo. Besides, the buck stops on the President's table.
If Yar'Adua allows the PDP to sweep this scandal under the carpet, as they are currently shamelessly trying to do, his government shall forever be tainted, and stand accused of being a lame duck leader who cowers as the thieves around him strip the house to the bone.
LAST LINE:
I must ask for your forgiveness and understanding here. When this site debuted a week ago, I had promised the articles will come on a daily basis. Obviously, those of you checking in everyday have noticed, and written to remind me, that I have not upheld my promise. I found out, rather to my chagrin, that the business of everyday leaves me with not enough time everyday to meet my writing obligations. Now, my respect for journalists who write everyday deepens. If you'll permit me, I'll love to do this at least once a week - every Monday?
Have a wonderful, wonderful week.
Ade
adeking@msn.com
Saturday, September 1, 2007
A TRUST BETRAYED?
Six hundred and twenty eight million naira ($5.024million) to renovate (not build) the official residences of the Speaker and Deputy Speaker of the Nigerian Federal House of Representatives, and provide some vehicular perks for them? Let's put this into perspective:
1. The President, Umaru Musa Yar'Adua, has a declared total asset of N850million ($6.8million), including life savings, incomes, family assets, gifts and political contributions.
2.
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